What’s Up with Commitment, Guys?
Let’s be honest, when it comes to relationships, we women are often on our own when it comes to dealing with problems. We should get special health care benefits for all the stress we go through. One of the most common issues we face in relationships is commitment—more precisely, men’s fear of commitment.
Having been blessed with loving friends and family who have taught us much, we’ve concluded that men, by nature, do not like boundaries. They just love their freedom.
When we were asked to write about men and their fear of commitment, our excitement practically burst from us. This is unquestionably a subject close to our hearts. Many of our friends would agree that we’re the ones they turn to for advice on men and relationships.
So, why exactly do men fear commitment? Our answer to this eternal question is “insecurity.”
In the name of research, we sent out a series of questions to approximately 100 of our male friends and relatives on the topic of commitment. The majority of the answers that came back pointed to a lack of confidence.
We would sum up the answers as: financial concerns, loss of freedom, religious beliefs, cultural background, parents’ consent, society’s opinion, change of habits, and compatibility. These are all examples of the reasons men gave for being reluctant to commit to a relationship. As we mentioned earlier, it all reflects a lack of confidence, or in other words, “insecurity.”
What insecurity are we referring to?
- Don’t have enough money to be in a serious relationship = Insecurity about his ability to make more money.
- No more freedom = Insecurity about potential changes.
- Religious beliefs, cultural background, parents’ consent = Insecurity that conflicts might arise.
- Society’s opinion = Insecurity about not being liked.
And the list goes on.
The point here is that men are more vigilant about making decisions that will affect their lives. When they have doubts and insecurities, they will hold off on making a decision. No matter how much we may want them to decide, no matter how hard we try to convince them, men need to feel that they have somehow earned the right to make the decision.
We wholeheartedly believe that, in the commitment department, men need to feel like they have won the prize. In this case, the prize is YOU. Winning means that he earned it. Earning requires effort, and as men are hunters by nature, they need to feel like they have accomplished something to escape their insecurities and doubts.
Forcing them to commit will only make things worse. In some cases, men will just run. We have to let them develop a sense of ownership over what has been attained, which, again, is YOU. This will allow them to overcome whatever doubts and insecurities they might have.
Of course, aside from letting your hunter hunt his prey, pulling back and giving men the space and time to get over themselves is also good for us. It lets us let go of our anxiety. No woman likes to be under a cloud of uncertainty, but always fretting about where the relationship is headed will only take its toll on us emotionally. And we all know that men are attracted to women who are strong and mature, and not always on the edge of hysterics.
Our suggestion is to practice living in the present with a positive visualization of yourself. What do we mean by this? Live your relationship as it is, without being troubled by what the future may hold. Enjoy his companionship without always trying to find hidden meanings in every moment. At the same time, believe that only good things will come from the relationship, even when the commitment from the man is not yet clear. Take the positive out of what is happening, and it will most likely result in a positive outcome.
In a nutshell, when you encounter commitment concerns, remember:
- Let the hunter hunt, allowing him to overcome his insecurities on his own terms.
- Enjoy his company without trying so hard to find meaning in every little thing.
- Maintain your emotional stability by always visualizing positive outcomes from the relationship.
Now, of course, the question is, what can we do when we’re caught in a relationship where, no matter what, he just can’t commit?
When all efforts are exhausted and there is no progress on the commitment front, then it’s time to get real and explore your options by dating other men. This may help your man realize that his insecurities are just unreasonable fears holding back his true feelings for you.
In the end, we all like to think that we deserve a man who is willing to put it all on the line for us, right? Someone who understands how awesome we are without us always having to remind them. Someone who wants to see us every night and will never make us wonder whether we are the one because they know we’re IT and they know they are 101 percent ready to COMMIT!
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